beezus

i was supposed to babysit tonight, but ended up having the evening off, which was nice. i needed to rest, i'm a bit sick. in the past few weeks as i've been hanging out with my third grade friend, we've watched some good movies, gone to bed at nine pm and eaten french toast for breakfast.

having the evening open up was good for my soul. i had afternoon plans but didn't push for them to happen because i wasn't feeling well and it was nice to be alone. i listened to jonsi and had the dvd of go playing in the background as i cut things out of magazines and embarked on my newest creative project. a series of "christmas" trees (yet not christmas at all, they're more like oak trees) describing my wonderful roommates through images.

we threw some random things together and called it dinner and then two of my roommates and nicole and i took a roadtrip to the dollar theater and saw ramona & beezus. great movie. i read all the books in elementary school and it was super fun seeing them come to life, although... i had quite the imagination and don't feel as if the pictures that i conjured up in my mind were ever less than movie quality as a young reader.

the movie was beautiful. i don't watch movies often, so maybe that makes most of the ones i do see, seem incredible. being entertained is such a treat. i love being immersed in a story. and hearing my friends laugh hysterically. stories like ramona or where the wild things are always make me cry though. (oh dear lord, two blogs about me crying.... don't give up on me) there's something about a kid that doesn't seem to fit in any of his or her surroundings: school, friends and probably the hardest is when they feel as if they don't fit in with their own family.

i still feel that way at twenty years old, in transition, not sure where i fit or where i want to fit. wanting to be things that i don't see naturally in who i am. it occurs to me that where i feel most comfortable is, in the role of hospitality (not that it's in-genuine or bad, just a sort of identity and comfort) or with some crazy accent being the center of attention. finding my place as a "normal" human being between the two is where i most often question who i am and my purpose in the situation.

i would love to learn the balance of finding all things that come my way, life-giving and therapeutic. i want to have grace in odd situations to simply be, to focus on the present only and learn to rest my mind and soul.