some people are ready for change at appropriate times of the year. commitment and memberships sky rocket around new years, you see a change in habits of religious people around the time of lent, an increase in body awareness just before swimsuit season.

i find that it's the in-between times, that my will for change finds its way to the forefront, that promises on the tip of my tongue ready to be spoken and then consummated. a few weeks late for lent, way early for new years and having nothing to do with swimsuit season, i realize that it's up to me to be conscious of the things that i do, even the small things, and the heart behind.

naturally, i am drawn to people. for a long time, i've enjoyed spending a great number of my waking hours surrounded by my old friends or making new ones. but i've also had my eye on people who can go to lunch with only a book. there's always a remarkable tinge of jealousness inside of me that provokes envy, for their ability to be so gracefully alone.

i'm a firm believer that you have to know how to take yourself on a good date. life is sweeter when nothing stops you from doing or being exactly where you want to be with or without whomever. putting the two together, it takes a lot of swimming against the current, but when i do have alone time, it's always so good.

so, i'm learning. to say no. to step away from good things and wait for even better. learning that passions and practicality still have yet to find well-shared ground. learning that saying no, is better than straining to mean yes. learning that less is more. that absence makes the heart grow fonder. that if the heart doesn't grow fonder after absence, that it's not meant to be and that there's something much better, in doing what you love than doing what you do because you're used to it.