how and why is it that technology is of utmost necessity in our day, yet whenever we cease to use it our life that we are living seems to open up exponentially.
i am so thankful that there are times to learn things the hard way, the hands-on way, the experiential way, but also that there are times to learn through other people's journeys.
i want not to do anything but in love.
i do not want to burn the candle from both ends.
i do not want to run on commitment with a low dose of passion.
i do not want to be stuck.
i do not want to do things just because i should, or because as an american it’s on the roadmap to success.
but what i do want is:
to live intentionally.
to open my arms, my table and my home, completely in love.
to know when to say “no”
when i do say “no” say it gracefully and assuredly.
i do not want to burn the candle from both ends.
i do not want to run on commitment with a low dose of passion.
i do not want to be stuck.
i do not want to do things just because i should, or because as an american it’s on the roadmap to success.
but what i do want is:
to live intentionally.
to open my arms, my table and my home, completely in love.
to know when to say “no”
when i do say “no” say it gracefully and assuredly.
to live simply.
to sleep on couches in my friend’s cities and have energy for conversations and exploration.
on sunday morning, at central vineyard, paige bailey reaffirmed this idea of realigning with god, looking at the things you’re doing and seeing which of them are things he’s given us and if it’s something he’s given you (being a daughter, wife, mother) then maybe he wants to help you to love those things.
i remember back in amsterdam (living with a family of five), i learned a lesson. it was in the kitchen, in the sink, hiding in the dirty dishes. the most mundane of tasks, washing the dishes. it was a day in, day out, day in, day out event. i would physically stop doing them if i felt the least bit discontent, tell myself you don’t have to do this. and without fail, instantly, i was able to enjoy it. (not saying this has worked in any other are of my life) realizing, i’m not stuck, but i choose to serve this family. this is my practical way of loving them.
why is it so hard to do the same for my roommates? i’m not sure. maybe because in amsterdam there was an end-date, i was devoted to being an extra set of hands in their home. here in columbus, i have a busy schedule and there’s no end in sight.
that doesn’t mean i shouldn’t and can’t be practical love, dirty love, love that goes unnoticed and unappreciated to my house full of amazing humans.
i’ve also stubbornly lived a life of no regrets. it’s sort of been a rule in my recent history. condemning my mother when she says, “i wish i would have...” telling her, don’t look back. just do it better next time.
but who’s to say that looking back and regretting isn’t at least a bit healthy?
listening to my friend becca, as we visited her in chicago, look back and regret not being a better neighbor. this girl loves like nobody i’ve ever met before, yet her time in her apartment and now she looks back and realizes that she could've been a better neighbor. her time there is over, but i have no doubt that her contemplating this will make her a more intentional neighbor in the future.
to sleep on couches in my friend’s cities and have energy for conversations and exploration.
on sunday morning, at central vineyard, paige bailey reaffirmed this idea of realigning with god, looking at the things you’re doing and seeing which of them are things he’s given us and if it’s something he’s given you (being a daughter, wife, mother) then maybe he wants to help you to love those things.
i remember back in amsterdam (living with a family of five), i learned a lesson. it was in the kitchen, in the sink, hiding in the dirty dishes. the most mundane of tasks, washing the dishes. it was a day in, day out, day in, day out event. i would physically stop doing them if i felt the least bit discontent, tell myself you don’t have to do this. and without fail, instantly, i was able to enjoy it. (not saying this has worked in any other are of my life) realizing, i’m not stuck, but i choose to serve this family. this is my practical way of loving them.
why is it so hard to do the same for my roommates? i’m not sure. maybe because in amsterdam there was an end-date, i was devoted to being an extra set of hands in their home. here in columbus, i have a busy schedule and there’s no end in sight.
that doesn’t mean i shouldn’t and can’t be practical love, dirty love, love that goes unnoticed and unappreciated to my house full of amazing humans.
i’ve also stubbornly lived a life of no regrets. it’s sort of been a rule in my recent history. condemning my mother when she says, “i wish i would have...” telling her, don’t look back. just do it better next time.
but who’s to say that looking back and regretting isn’t at least a bit healthy?
listening to my friend becca, as we visited her in chicago, look back and regret not being a better neighbor. this girl loves like nobody i’ve ever met before, yet her time in her apartment and now she looks back and realizes that she could've been a better neighbor. her time there is over, but i have no doubt that her contemplating this will make her a more intentional neighbor in the future.
my new plan is to allow regret. not to wallow in it.
but to chat with it.
and when i walk away, i will have bigger eyes.
0 comments:
Post a Comment