It is December. This year December is a month of changing routine. Unplugging & Cuddling. A poem a day. Reading books. Learning how to be still. Christmas carols as worship. (Almost) no obligation. An invitation to follow up with things that have been knocking on my heart. A brainstorm. A snow check. Days without leaving. A flashing of lights. A resounding joy.

Today has been wonderful. In columbus. In my house. Haven’t left all day. Nothing could be better. I’m in a place to (try and) write. Erin’s sitting opposite of me, both of us humming along with the Christmas carols that have been the background to our entire day. We've been cleaning, singing, taking water out of our overflowing sink by the bucket, crafting, and laughing.

This morning started off with breakfast with my lovely friend Winnie and her wonderful mother Abigail and my roommate Erin. Abigail and her husband are an incredible illustration of parenting. They met while both doing medical relief work after the Tsunami in Indonesia, eventually married and have since become parents to one of the most vibrant and lively individuals I’ve ever met! Winnie. She’s 6-ish, from Ethiopia and a great recipe for conversation and giggles (and if you need any help cleaning, she claims that’s what she loves to do!)

The Shaws (Tim, Abigail & Winnie) decided to live without air conditioning this summer, it’s something small but was of great value to realize how much that we have that we can live without. Even during one of the hottest summers in Columbus.

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to live with less. Even without TV and the abundance of advertising that I know most people my age are bombarded with. (I do an excellent job of tuning it out. I also live in a box when it comes to pop culture) To live simply, to live within my means, to live creatively and generously is not a well modeled lifestyle. Our country overly encourages and pushes 17 & 18 year olds into a college education, offers free money that will someday have to be repaid with interest and is in huge debt itself.

I guess I just want to know what I need to do to be the change I wish to see.

I was born in America and have this “American lens” but I also try and wear counter cultural lenses and less-ethnocentric lenses and wonder what I can do and encourage be done to make less unsturdy bridges and help instead of hurting.

When in Mexico, I had conversations with my friends who run the orphanage and from that, have added these three books to my to-read list.

Toxic Charity

Ending Poverty

The White Man’s Burden

When Helping Hurts

I enjoy hearing people’s thoughts in regards to alleviating poverty. Hand up or hand out? Different ends of the spectrum, one leader answering, “of course” another “of course not” to the same question of does this help? The idea of charging at least a small amount for goods rather than giving them for free, so that the receiver feels as if they earned the good rather than being entitled it. So many things to learn more about.

I’d like to know that a water pump I build will not destroy the community who’s used to having it’s social interactions standing in line and carrying water to- and from the well that’s farther away.

What’s my job, as an American girl? How can I best be a steward of what I have and share with others?

This past week and the last time I visited my friend Lauren, in Mexico have been interesting. I’m not excited exactly, to visit. I’m always glad to see Lauren, but I also have a deep love and longing to live there. I feel torn between living there and going to school. I realize that I’m not at a point where I’m self-less enough to work a 24 hour job, lending myself to so many people’s needs. I’m leery to think that my visit will yield anything good. I’m ashamed that my spanish hasn’t improved and I can’t have a decent conversation or grow much deeper with these friends that I’ve been seeing grow up over the years. I know that my biggest joy in going is to love on my friend Lauren, and now her wonderful roommate Jarilyn. To keep gaining perspective and remember that not everyone lives a comfortable columbus-life with a washer and dryer and electricity and money to travel and the amazing and warm lifestyle that I get to experience.

Dear self,
Don’t forget what your eyes have seen. Don’t get caught up in jobs and work and making money and savings. Don’t forget to be thankful. And gracious. Love grace and the people around you. Lower expectations and do not become bitter. Take time to rest, so that when you’re with people, you can give them your best. Don’t stop trying.