a bedroom view on christmas spirit

if i had facebook tonight ( i don't because i'm taking the month of december to be un-plugged - in a social networking kind of way- and to cuddle) i'd probably write a status about how four hours and a lot of money later, my christmas grocery shopping is done, as well as an unnecessary target shopping spree which yieldedsome new burt's bees, brightly colored nail polish, sweatpants and a mini dry erase board with new mini markers. it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. i'm content with one pair of sweat pants/pajamas, but mine are starting to wear thin, plus with these cold days-- i can't deal with being cold and having bare legs while i wait for my one pair to wash & dry, especially being a free-lancer on christmas break. that means long mornings under blankets reading books, both for laughs and learning. both books are really great. (mindy kaling's is everyone hanging out without me? and a book called creative inc. the ultimate guide to running a successful freelance business) maybe to begin, i should learn to spell the word successful, that might be helpful for when i'm trying to write things on my typewriter and don't have SPELLCHECK, so i don't look dumb. Because, i go to college, you know. (<--not that going to college matters at all, because i'm a fan of thinking that it does not).

well, after four hours of grocery shopping, three trips to unload the car, a whole unpacking and organization assembly line, albeit it was only me in the line, making-room-in-my-shared-between-six-people-fridge. after all that, cleaning the kitchen and carrying my laundry up to my room-- it's still sitting on my bed, i can hear it wrinkling. it's screaming "hang me up and stop blogging"

i better go. i'm just blogging to say that christmas break is nice. and although the christmas music on the radio really got to me this evening (in a bad way) i was sort of angry at the song, i'll be home for christmas, thinking-- well i'm not going home, dangit! but then i realized, my family is coming to my house, which is

being home in it's truest sense.

after fluffing and separating my laundry into will-be-mentioned piles....

i decide i should clarify--

by fold my laundry, i just realized, i don't mean fold it. i just mean spread it out and lay it in piles, so long as the stuff that will get wrinkly is laying flat. you can always take care of the rest after you check your email, work on a project, organize your bookshelf, skype your roommate in westerville, and so forth.....

(this is a bit of our beatles dance party-singalong)

i would like to be better about sharing my work. so i'll start posting it.

click HERE for the rest of this photoshoot [fashion with teresa].

click HERE for the rest of this photoshoot [zach, beth & baby].

does god love us or hate us?

What does it mean to have faith like a child? I don't know, but these kids ask some pretty intense questions.

Meet Lucas & Gloria, my friends aged 6 and 8 as they discuss the questions they have about life, love and god.

Want to see some incredible similarities? Watch the video that's from 1.75 years prior!vimeo.com/8954310

nightmares and other girlish things

When I worked in the restaurant for 8+ years, It was often that I had dreams- nightmares really, not the super scary ones but the ones where I was failing at the little things in my job. In my dreams (which usually took place between shifts, making it feel like I never rested for that entire 24 hours or so) I would often run around, brain scattered, too many tables to care for well. I remember once that I forgot to get an old man a refill on his pink lemonade, that reminder was reiterated throughout the night.

I just woke up, with five hours of sleep (and no need to wake up, yet here I am, anyways) and a whole segment of camera-mares. Shooting a wedding with no backup batteries, no flash, a camera that has no lens on it and won't turn on. A scattered and torn down me. A change of events, surprises in the wedding. The one humorous part of the wedding is that as the mother of the bride is filling me in on the schedule she said, "... and then my daughter is going to pronounce themselves married."

It's crazy when something you love suddenly translates itself into the DNA of your fears. I suppose that all things that bring us life also are wildly attacked by insecurity.

Creatively/work-relatedly, I'm hardly doing any jobs this December. Just finishing up what I need to finish, and hopefully that leaves some time (or else this will continue into the first two weeks of January) to regroup creatively, prepare for a new year, set attainable personal creative project goals, know what's too much work to take on and to gracefully say 'no'. Never take a job out of obligation. Trust in personal creativity, inspired by the great Creator. Always, always keep a thankful mind/attitude towards people trusting and investing in the work that I do. Don't fear trying new things.

On that note, last night I tried painting for the first time. It was incredible. What I produced wasn't good, but creating something and killing the parts of myself that intrinsically want to say, "i'm sorry this isn't good". Artie talked about this idea in our creativity class this quarter, the idea that when you're a child, you never had someone a picture that you've made them and preface the give with a, "i'm sorry this isn't very good, but..." there's some place between childhood and adulthood that so much childlike-ness (pleasure, freedom, imagination) is replaced by pride, self deprecation and creative incarceration.

This video always gives me hope!

audrey & orwell

these beautiful faces, i now call friends. thanks to iuka + our musical connections.

they make wonderful music, listen here.

more photos here.

tonight, erin and i danced in the kitchen while i made tea and she ate a teacup of jeni's ice cream. our house feels very homey- i'm not sure if it's moreso because i've been away, and coming home feels good. or because i'm on break, i feel relieved to be home and not stressed. maybe it's the christmastree that i didn't even want, that now makes my heart warm. or the glimmering decorations we placed everywhere for the joint birthday party, friday past. there was something dare-i say magical, compelling, right about sitting at the long wooden table today.

as we had a dance party in the kitchen, we agreed that marriage better be like this. or else we're content living together and continuing to dance and be joyful in the mundane tasks of life for a long, long time.

i'm thankful.

i'm frustrated that there are so many good books and not enough time to read them all, but it could be worse.

i'm sad that my camera broke, but i'm excited for a new one, and i that i have means for a new one. it could be much worse.

i'm glad for the smell of housemates ginger cookies freshly baked. for the warmth and the life that happens all around me.

oh, and i'm glad for snailmail this week. such a wonderful gift.

gezellig house.

It is December. This year December is a month of changing routine. Unplugging & Cuddling. A poem a day. Reading books. Learning how to be still. Christmas carols as worship. (Almost) no obligation. An invitation to follow up with things that have been knocking on my heart. A brainstorm. A snow check. Days without leaving. A flashing of lights. A resounding joy.

Today has been wonderful. In columbus. In my house. Haven’t left all day. Nothing could be better. I’m in a place to (try and) write. Erin’s sitting opposite of me, both of us humming along with the Christmas carols that have been the background to our entire day. We've been cleaning, singing, taking water out of our overflowing sink by the bucket, crafting, and laughing.

This morning started off with breakfast with my lovely friend Winnie and her wonderful mother Abigail and my roommate Erin. Abigail and her husband are an incredible illustration of parenting. They met while both doing medical relief work after the Tsunami in Indonesia, eventually married and have since become parents to one of the most vibrant and lively individuals I’ve ever met! Winnie. She’s 6-ish, from Ethiopia and a great recipe for conversation and giggles (and if you need any help cleaning, she claims that’s what she loves to do!)

The Shaws (Tim, Abigail & Winnie) decided to live without air conditioning this summer, it’s something small but was of great value to realize how much that we have that we can live without. Even during one of the hottest summers in Columbus.

Sometimes it’s hard to know how to live with less. Even without TV and the abundance of advertising that I know most people my age are bombarded with. (I do an excellent job of tuning it out. I also live in a box when it comes to pop culture) To live simply, to live within my means, to live creatively and generously is not a well modeled lifestyle. Our country overly encourages and pushes 17 & 18 year olds into a college education, offers free money that will someday have to be repaid with interest and is in huge debt itself.

I guess I just want to know what I need to do to be the change I wish to see.

I was born in America and have this “American lens” but I also try and wear counter cultural lenses and less-ethnocentric lenses and wonder what I can do and encourage be done to make less unsturdy bridges and help instead of hurting.

When in Mexico, I had conversations with my friends who run the orphanage and from that, have added these three books to my to-read list.

Toxic Charity

Ending Poverty

The White Man’s Burden

When Helping Hurts

I enjoy hearing people’s thoughts in regards to alleviating poverty. Hand up or hand out? Different ends of the spectrum, one leader answering, “of course” another “of course not” to the same question of does this help? The idea of charging at least a small amount for goods rather than giving them for free, so that the receiver feels as if they earned the good rather than being entitled it. So many things to learn more about.

I’d like to know that a water pump I build will not destroy the community who’s used to having it’s social interactions standing in line and carrying water to- and from the well that’s farther away.

What’s my job, as an American girl? How can I best be a steward of what I have and share with others?

This past week and the last time I visited my friend Lauren, in Mexico have been interesting. I’m not excited exactly, to visit. I’m always glad to see Lauren, but I also have a deep love and longing to live there. I feel torn between living there and going to school. I realize that I’m not at a point where I’m self-less enough to work a 24 hour job, lending myself to so many people’s needs. I’m leery to think that my visit will yield anything good. I’m ashamed that my spanish hasn’t improved and I can’t have a decent conversation or grow much deeper with these friends that I’ve been seeing grow up over the years. I know that my biggest joy in going is to love on my friend Lauren, and now her wonderful roommate Jarilyn. To keep gaining perspective and remember that not everyone lives a comfortable columbus-life with a washer and dryer and electricity and money to travel and the amazing and warm lifestyle that I get to experience.

Dear self,
Don’t forget what your eyes have seen. Don’t get caught up in jobs and work and making money and savings. Don’t forget to be thankful. And gracious. Love grace and the people around you. Lower expectations and do not become bitter. Take time to rest, so that when you’re with people, you can give them your best. Don’t stop trying.

for rachel, on her birthday

this was the best birthday present i've maybe ever received. it's a poem, from my dear friend (and sister from another mister) julia pickerill

if i was my mother

(or you)
you would have a box of gracelets and treasures and things that sparkle
wrapped in layers of brown paper
and packing tape, arrived today

Just On Time

to your doorstep.

instead
i am myself.

and you have - this.

(but you, truly, have so much more…)

you are a beautiful delight
a loud crashing pans

and cooking music
a brash blinding colour
a meal where no one leaves hungry.

you are an artist of humanity

drawing each one out

finding best sides

blurring colors

and constructing communion.

you are a laugh

that can take the place of deep sadness
and you are deep colors

and great effort

and making everyone else believe
that things might be different, one day.

you are found in the trying

you are found.

you are found.

and i am glad for the finding of you.

i like:

the typewriter i'm borrowing from a friend.

december.

interrupting gender roles.

somali tea.

matchmaking.

a great smile.

artie isaac (professor)

emails from amsterdam.

being facebookless (for now).

meeting new friends.

and finding similarities.

peacemaking.

snail-mail.

a good mix cd.

the fact that despite lacking radio and cd ability, my car still plays cassettes.

new cassettes from kate.

kate.

when people don't try to hide that they're broken.

and brightness shines through the imperfection.

when there are less options and choosing is easier.

childlike faith.

getting better.

friends who help you carry things.

and teach you how to carry less.

and offer you forgiveness.

and laugh with you.

and without you.

people who endeavor to live in love.

creatively.

people who smile at strangers.

and put away their phone when they're in conversation.

when there are no photos to prove it happened.

when the musicians forget the key of the song, but laugh and search.

when the two year old finally warms up to you.

those who live quiet and beautiful lives, in humility.

the cold air that reminds me i'm human.

and that this house is large, enough for us and all our friends.

that tomorrow i'll travel through time.